First of all let me say I don’t feel entirely comfortable with the idea of communicating with the those on the “other side.” It seems like dangerous territory to me – like going into a foreign country you know little or nothing about. You know or believe there is a good and loving being in charge of the place. You know or believe your loved one is there. But you also suspect there are other entities along the way who would like take advantage of your love, your desire to talk to your loved one, and your utter ignorance to deceive you.
On the other hand, the thing about losing a child is that you can no longer pretend that death of the body is far away or irrelevant to your existence. Part of yourself has gone into the beyond and the rest of you wants to go there too. At least I do — since he died I have only been half in this life and the spiritual world seems very close, so close I can reach out and touch it. I cannot stop wanting to talk to Jesse, to see what he is doing. I’d be happy with a distant glimpse — as long as I could see for myself that he is okay. Since he died, three people have told me they saw or heard from him in a very real way: one in a dream, one through electronic phenomena, and one during a near death experience. But I have not seen him, even in a dream. I often think I hear his voice or get messages from him, but I cannot be absolutely sure it is not my active imagination.
Last Sunday was a miserable cold rainy day and I couldn’t stop thinking about Jesse. Different days I think about different times in his life. Sunday I was thinking of his young teen years. As I got ready for bed I prayed that God would let him come to me in a dream like he did with that other person. Since I rarely remember my dreams, this would be an unusual circumstance for me. And do you know – that night he did! It was a highly symbolic dream but so full of his essence and personality. I was awakened suddenly by a noise at 3:30 am and there was the dream, so close and vivid I wanted to go back to sleep and get back to it. But I couldn’t.
The dream was about his death. It seemed to be about helping me to understand — not why it happened — but rather how it happened. Perhaps it answered, or tried to answer, some deeply underlying questions I have had, questions I was barely conscious of. Consciousness is a complex and multi-layered thing and the dream seemed to help me understand at least a little more about it. Dreams are notoriously hard to explain, so if you don’t like people talking about their dreams, you have my permission to sign off now.
The narrative, as I have said, was very symbolic, but much of the dream’s reality came from the feeling. Jesse looked about as he looked just before he died or perhaps slightly younger. He seemed to be on some sort of school field trip and I guess I was tagging along. There was this row of queen-sized beds, made neatly with white sheets and lavender-colored bedspreads. Here’s where it gets weird(er).
These beds had swimming pools under the sheets, covered with white plastic lids. Jesse went into one of these pools, exploring and being mischievous. We (me and unseen others) realized at some point that he was gone and knew somehow he had gone into the pool. We wondered how he did it without disturbing the sheet or bedspread. Then somehow we knew he had drowned and I had a feeling of great grief.
A little time passed (who knows how the perception of time works in dreams) and I found out he had somehow sent message from the pool before drowning. I was in a room, like a funeral home room, and there was a small poster propped on a table with a note written in his cartoon writing with lots of clouds and doodles. The note said, “OMG. The MOiB!” This part was very visual. I can still picture that poster, even though the rest of the dream is fuzzy.
That’s when I woke up, the poster still clear in my mind. I had no idea what a “MOiB” was but I felt strongly that it related to the lid of the pool which, in the dream, he realized was locked or stuck. Since I could not get back into the dream I reached for my phone and searched DuckDuckGo (Google alternative) for “MoiB.” Apparently this can be an acronym for several things but the definition that jumped out at me was that it is a term that somehow relates to GPS — Global Positioning System — technology. I had the sense that the dream was about Jesse leaving his body and then finding himself locked out of it.
It did not have a scary or ominous feeling. Had I dreamed this while he was alive, I might have been terrified, but since he has already passed on, it seemed to have more of an explanatory nature. Beds and sleep issues were a huge theme in his life from babyhood on, and in the end, his bed is where he died.
I believe it was a message from Jesse. It had his slightly warped sense of fun and a bit of both art and technology. That essence was present in the dream. I will take whatever messages I can get, however they are delivered. We are still awaiting delivery on his tombstone, which will be engraved with “Artist ~ Scientist.”
537″] The poster in the dream was similar in style to this picture[/caption]